Sunday, October 24, 2010

Feeling left out....

Maybe I am a little sensitive. Maybe I dunno.

Went volleyball today with a group of my brother's friends whom I will be living with soon next year. We all don't know how to play at all. So we just tried. I've played volleyball before and I've always been scared of the ball, I am nvr ever good at it, or anything for that matters.
I love playing volley but I don't like playing volleyball with people. Okay, not everybody, but its just that, I am trying so hard to get the ball across but they keep telling me to run more and hit harder when they themselves are doing all those things.. I hate that feeling. I hate that ppl can just rip apart ur confidence just through words. I hate all of it.

Then, there is my parents. I always wanted to hang out more as a family because for the past 6,7 years my brother has been overseas studying and we rarely hang out as a family. Then, my parents and brother planned a trip to the city and not tell me about it. I had to ask them or I wouldn't have known. Sigh, honestly, I secretly believe that they are prouder of their son. They are always singing praises of him. I mean, who would love a 20-year-old Med school student dropout who is fat and sensitive, who is an idiot, and has Bell's Palsy? How could they ever be proud of me? My brother has always been the best child. He skipped a grade, sailed through college and university and now, at 23 years, he has a job that pays well and hopes to buy a house within 5 years. Don't get me wrong, I love my brother to death and my parents. Its just that feeling, you know....

Okay, I am not a little sensitive, I am a big giant ass of sensitive-ness. I try to change but its hard. I know that this part of me always gets the better of me. I am trying hard to get rid of it.